We know people who can light up a room with their presence. They are good at building and maintaining relationships. They establish rapport quickly and effortlessly. It seems like everybody is their best friend. Bestselling author, Malcolm Gladwell, call these people connectors.
With observation, guidance and a lot of practice, we can all build and amplify strong personal characteristics and become better “connectors.” The following methods will help you be the “one” others love to be around.
“If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.” Mark Twain
- Make Others Feel They Matter. Listen more, talk
less. Make eye contact and clear your mind of any of your own thoughts. A
good question to ask another is, “Do you want advice or do you only
want me to listen?” Listening creates feelings of appreciation and
“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” – Unknown
- Practice Acceptance. Spend time looking for
commonalities. When you focus on what is good, what is “good” stands
out. Allow others to be themselves. Become aware of trying to change,
fix or judge someone.
“Empathy is the fundamental “people skill.” – Daniel Goldman
- Practice Empathy. If you want to learn to be
empathic, the easiest way is to “walk a mile in another’s shoes.”
Empathy is understanding, being sensitive to, and vicariously
experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.
“Your presence today spoke volumes. Thank you all for the support.” – Benjamin Crump
- Make Others Feel Important. Stay in the present moment, don’t multi-task, check your phone or glance around the room. Make the speaker feel like the most important person in the world. Open and connect heart to heart.
- Let Others Shine. Don’t one up the speaker with one
of your own personal stories. Instead, imagine the other person with a
sign that says, “Make me feel special.” Practice being the last one to
speak when you are with others. Your relationships will blossom.
“Once someone touches your heart, the fingerprints will last forever.” – Unknown
- Use Touch. When the moment presents itself touch
the other person on the arm or pat them on the back or shoulder.
Touching someone shows you care. It creates a warm feeling. As a
relationship grows, those small touches turn into big hugs. Touching
heals our emotional wounds and creates feelings of acceptance.
“Affirm the positive, visualize the positive and expect the positive, and your life will change accordingly.” – Unknown
- Be Positive. Build the other person up by saying,
“I understand you. I get that.” Make an effort to point out the positive
in any situation. Learn to express humor and make others smile. A great
place to practice is with any service clerk.
“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment.” – Lao Tzu
- Be Genuine. Nothing is more attractive than being real. Authenticity creates an unbreakable emotional bond. Being real allows for trusting and enduring relationships. Being real in a world that encourages us to be like everyone else, will allow others to feel safe enough to be real themselves.