Tuesday, June 7, 2011

How to "Pass" As a Woman

  • Consider the whole package. How old are you? What's your body type? What kind of look do you want? Envision the woman you will become. 
  • Take a shower. Wash your hair and condition it. Guys often have drier, coarser hair than girls, so you may need a "leave-in" conditioner as well. Shave your body (at least legs, pits, and chest). If you haven't done this in a while, be prepared to go through multiple razor blades. Moisturizing body soap is a good idea, and of course moisturizing lotion after you've toweled off. 
  • Lose the stubble. A close shave is a must: use a sharp blade and take your time. Be gentle; you don't want to irritate your skin. Close your pores with a gentle skin toner, and of course, moisturize. Try using a dab of non-greasy sun block. It'll protect your skin from wrinkles caused by UV-damage. If you really want to keep stubble away, try waxing, electrolysis, or laser hair removal. 
  • Pluck your eyebrows. Remove stray hairs from under and between the brows until a natural arch-shape is achieved. Don't go too crazy: for highly stylized brows, seek a professional. 
  • Do your nails. At the very least, ensure they are clean and not ragged. Clear polish is always classy, but there is a world of options. When was the last time you had a manicure? 
  • Make sure you have enough hair! If you don't have enough of it, you'll need a wig -- a good wig. Otherwise, go to a salon and get it done right. Ask questions. These people know hair; a good stylist can tell you not only what's in style, but also what will look good on you. Have an idea of what you want going in, but be open to input as well. 
  • Cover your shadow. Find a cover-up and/or liquid foundation that closely matches your skin tone, plus a matching powder to "set" the foundation. Use a moisturizer first--it acts like a primer coat; the rest of your makeup will go on much easier and look better. Make sure to blend so there's no clear line between makeup and naked skin. "Five o'clock shadow" is a major cause of not passing, or "being clocked." 
  • Apply blush. With all this makeup on, you run the risk of looking pallid without blush. Smile and you will see your cheeks' "apples", the round parts that rise up. Color them with gently curving upward brush-strokes. Be subtle. Blush can also soften jaw lines, emphasize cheekbones, define noses, minimize foreheads, etc. Generally, darker areas seem to recede, lighter area pop out. Don't overdo it. You don't want to appear clownish. 
  • Pay attention to your eyes and lips. Learn how to put on makeup for those areas as well, even if you don't plan on wearing it daily. Emphasize either your eyes or your lips, but not both. If you want dark, smoky eyes, then stick to lip gloss, or a subtle lipstick. If you want red, vampy lips, then limit yourself to mascara, and maybe a light eye shadow. The temptation to overdo makeup is common for most beginners. Remember to tailor your makeup to the occasion. Keep it classy, and you'll pass. 
  • Make sure you have curves in all the right places and pay attention to where you "shouldn't" have bulges. Padded bras and tight panties (or bikini bottoms) are a good place to start. Corsets, gaffs, breast forms, and other specialized body-shapers are also available, but for the truly committed, hormones and surgery are the best solution. 
  • Choose an outfit that best suits your frame. Plunging necklines draw attention from broad shoulders. Empire waists de-emphasize narrow hips, beer bellies, and flat asses. Your legs are your best feature, so feature them (and for God's sake shave!). Knowing your body, and working with it, is essential to passing. 
  • Improve your posture, and realize that feminine gestures--even slight ones--are very important. Watch a woman speaking naturally, and note her gestures and facial expressions. Smile. Walk with your legs, not with your shoulders. Suck in your gut. Stand up straight. Glide. 
  • Work on your voice. Women's voices tend not only to be higher pitched, but also more melodic (an extreme example is "valley girl"). We tend to take on the vocal patterns of those we spend a lot of time with, so find a girl friend to emulate. The best practice is talking to real people in public situations; you'd be amazed how it helps your motivation. There are also tapes, articles, and the like available on the internet, but if you're not satisfied with your progress, consider seeking out a professional speech therapist

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