The start of a relationship is exciting, risky, even a bit
scary, and we savor every slightly out-of-control minute of it. "I'm crazy
for him," we say. "He makes my heart pound." That early
relationship thrill comes from the high of discovery.
1. Scare yourselves silly
Medical experts liken the body's fear response to sexual arousal -- our
pulse quickens and we break out in a sweat, which may explain why people
voluntarily bungee-jump or descend full speed down glaciers on skis. We get a
rush from being scared in a somewhat controlled environment, and when we do it
with a partner,
we're brought together by the feeling of having conquered our
fears hand in hand. Carol Worthington, 39, of Baltimore, can attest to this:
"My husband, Brian, wanted to go skydiving, and even though it wasn't my
idea of fun, I decided to go with him so we could share the thrill. It was the
scariest thing I've ever done, but also one of the most exciting moments of our
married life together."
Granted, jumping out of a plane may be more stimulation than many of us ever
care to experience, but there's always the rock-climbing wall at your gym, the
scream machine of your choice at the local amusement park or just watching a
scary movie together in the dark.
2. Spill a secret
Intimacy and thrills go hand in hand, which is probably why the initial
getting-to-know-you period at the beginning of a relationship is so exciting.
Walking along the beach on vacation, after we'd been married for five years, my
husband and I dared each other to reveal one secret about ourselves. After
first insisting, "But I keep nothing from you!" I got up the guts to
tell him about the M&Ms I keep hidden in the drawer with my gym clothes,
and he told me he'd lost the stuffed dolphin I'd given him on our first
Christmas together.
3. Place a bet
You and your husband have $20 on Hootenanny to win in the sixth race. He
rounds the far turn three back from the lead, but he's closing in fast. The
horses thunder past you down the stretch, and Hootenanny wins by a nose! You
jump into your husband's arms and suddenly realize you're having a blast. The
adrenaline rush, the decadence of throwing caution (and a few bucks) to the
wind and the slightly sleazy atmosphere of the track or your average casino all
make gambling a great way to inject a little pizzazz into your relationship. Of
course, you don't have to wager your hard-earned cash to get the same effect:
Try playing strip poker in your living room after the kids go to bed or going
to a pool hall and betting on who has to make dinner for the next week.
4. Be a little daring
When I was in high school the "in" thing to do during the wee hours
of a warm summer night was to sneak into the local pool and go skinny-dipping.
Fear of getting caught in a compromising position is guaranteed to evoke some
thrills and chills, and you can bring back that feeling as adults in small ways
that won't get you thrown in the slammer. How, you ask? The next time the two
of you go to a movie, hide in the last row of the theater and fool around.
Valerie Gordon, 35, of Santa Clara, CA, ups the excitement factor by showing
(more than) a little skin: "When the mood hits and the weather permits, my
husband and I take naughty photos of each other in public places like parking
garages."
5. Relive your first date
Your first date was a mystery that had yet to be solved. There were several
juicy clues -- the look in your date's eyes, the way he kissed you -- and
plenty of nervous tension. But even though you know how that mystery turned
out, returning to the scene of that first crime can bring back some of those
old goosebumps. Sharon Alex, 38, of Lake Mary, FL, suggests you plan the
evening exactly as you did the first time -- same perfume, same innocent looks,
everything. You can even dress separately and meet each other there, as Alex
did: "I met my husband at a nightclub, and we danced and flirted. His arm
around my waist made everything seem just right."
6. Cyber-romance each other
These days it's far too easy for a chasm of cyberspace to grow between a
husband and wife. He can spend hour after hour playing a computer game, and she
can't seem to get enough of her favorite blogs. But with a few quick clicks,
you can use this very same technology to hot-wire your marriage. "With the
accessibility of email," says Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage and family
therapist in Woodstock, IL, and author of Divorce Busting, "we can
take the time to do things we wouldn't ordinarily do, like sending love
letters." One woman she knows decided that if her husband was going to
spend all of his time surfing the Internet, she would express her feelings
online. She emailed him a very personal romantic poem and got an amazingly
romantic response.
7. See each other in a different light
Kristen Kiser, 30, of Astoria, NY, and her husband add a spark to their
marriage by hosting Thanksgiving dinner for friends who can't make it home for
the holiday. "I get to see what Marc's like in action, when he's taking
charge and acting the host," she says. "It makes me fall in love with
him all over again." Says Los Angeles psychotherapist Suzanne Lopez, author
of Get Smart with Your Heart, "Seeing your partner with different
eyes has to do with letting go of preconceived ideas. It can really change the
energy in a relationship for the better." Other eye-opening ideas: Consider
taking a boxing class together at the gym, where you both might be a bit more
wild and aggressive than usual, or dance lessons, where you might surprise each
other with your grace.
8. Become a master of seduction
A little bit of forethought can awaken some of the passion in your marriage,
even on an ordinary Tuesday night. Rob Czaplewski, 29, of Grand Island, NB,
likes to get home from work before his wife and put a love note on the back
door. "Then I have her favorite music playing with all the candles lit in
the living room and a bed of pillows on the floor," he says, "and
finally, the promise of a backrub to help her relax."
Jenna Schlehuber, 42, of Moran, MI, used a bottle of cologne to build
temptation. She bought her husband a scent she really liked and had it wrapped.
When he went upstairs that evening to take his shower, she left it on his
pillow with a card that said, "Would you wear this tonight for me, and only
this?" Says Schlehuber, "After a few minutes, I went upstairs to find
him just the way I asked, waiting patiently for me to come to bed. What a
romantic evening we had -- better than ever. And he loved the cologne,
too."
9. Profit from the passion
Sex is something relationship experts universally agree will bolster just
about every area of a marriage -- including its thrill quotient. "Increased
sexual contact," says Lopez, "is a way to recapture the erotic force
that brought you together in the first place." Weiner-Davis tells of one
woman who, soon after resolving to have more sex with her husband, not only
characterized her marriage as more thrilling but said that he suddenly began
mowing the lawn regularly and making her coffee in the morning -- unasked.
10. Take a trip to nowhere
At the beginning of your relationship, every date was an adventure; you
never knew quite what was going to happen or how it was going to end up. So one
weekend, take a trip -- overnight or just for the day -- without knowing where
you're going. No packing, no planning. Says Patty Moosbrugger, 35, of New York
City, who's been married for six years, "Every now and then we just grab
sweaters and sandwiches and get on a train. We get out when we feel like it and
spend the day exploring wherever we land." By letting go of some of the
control you have over your lives, you'll recapture that exciting sense of the
unknown you felt when you first met.
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